Saturday, November 13, 2010

How to bathe a cat.

How to bathe a Cat
Author unknown

Some people say cats never have to be bathed. They say cats lick themselves clean. They say cats have a special enzyme of some sort in their saliva that works like new, improved Wisk - dislodging the dirt where it hides and whisking it away.

I've spent most of my life believing this folklore. Like most blind believers, I've been able to discount all the facts to the contrary, the kitty odors that lurk in the corners of the garage and dirt smudges that cling to the throw rug by the fireplace.

The time comes, however, when a man must face reality: when he must look squarely in the face of massive public sentiment to the contrary and announce: "This cat smells like a port-a-potty on a hot day in Juarez."

When that day arrives at your house, as it has in mine, I have some advice you might consider as you place your feline friend under your arm and head for the bathtub:

•Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him.

Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding-glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.)

•Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself. I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket.

•Prepare everything in advance. There is no time to go out for a towel when you have a cat digging a hole in your flak jacket. Draw the water. Make sure the bottle of kitty shampoo is inside the glass enclosure. Make sure the towel can be reached, even if you are lying on your back in the water.

•Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if to simply carry him to his supper dish. (Cats will not usually notice your strange attire. They have little or no interest in fashion as a rule. If he does notice your garb, calmly explain that you are taking part in a product testing experiment for J.C. Penney.)

•Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to survival. In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in the water and squirt him with shampoo. You have begun one of the wildest 45 seconds of your life.

Cats have no handles. Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded. Do not expect to hold on to him for more than two or three seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy. He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off. (The national record for cats is three latherings, so don't expect too much.)

•Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always assume this part will be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at this point and the cat is just getting really determined. In fact, the drying is simple compared to what you have just been through. That's because by now the cat is semipermanently affixed to your right leg. You simply pop the drain plug with you foot, reach for your towel and wait. (Occasionally, however, the cat will end up clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this happens, the best thing you can do is to shake him loose and to encourage him toward your leg.) After all the water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the cat.

In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you. He might even become psychoceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine.

You will be tempted to assume he is angry. This isn't usually the case. As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath.

But at least now he smells a lot better.

I must try to remember this for future reference. Since our recent outbreak of pesky fleas....I shuddered at the thought of dipping the kitties. I forsaw all the wounds in vivid color. Felt the pain the little claws produced. And the blood.

Thankfully, I have the problem under control. ...without the dipping I might add.

Never say never....well I hope to never see another flea. Each time a cat or dog reaches into some kind of pretzel position to scratch an itch I will tell myself....its just an itch. Stay well. RD

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Remembering Our Veterans

Veterans Day History & Remembering our Veterans
Posted by Carisa Gaul on November 8th, 2010

When is Veterans Day? Veterans Day is observed on November 11 regardless what day of the week it falls on. It’s a day to celebrate and honor America’s military veterans for their patriotism, love of our country, and willingness to serve / sacrifice for the common good. Not to be confused with Memorial Day which is celebrated the fourth Monday every May and honors American servicemembers who died or suffer from injuries from being in service.

November 11 is also celebrated as Armistice Day or Remembrance Day in other parts of the world. It’s the anniversary of the signing of the Armistice which ended World War I or the Great War. World War I cessation of hostilities formally ended on the 11th hour of the 11th day in the 11th month 1918 with Allied nations and Germany signing the Armistice.
President Woodrow Wilson proclaimed Veteran’s Day a holiday on November 11, 1919.

Woodrow Wilson said: “To us in America, the reflections of Armistice Day will be filled with lots of pride in the heroism of those who died in the country’s service and with gratitude for the victory, both because of the thing from which it has freed us and because of the opportunity it has given America to show her sympathy with peace and justice in the councils of the nations.”

In 1926 the United States Congress requested President Calvin Coolidge to issue another proclamation to observe each year on November 11th a legal federal holiday. The proclamation for Veterans Day was approved May 1938 to honor all those who participated in the War: “a day to be dedicated to the cause of world peace and to be thereafter celebrated and known as ‘Armistice Day’.”

In June 1954 congress amended the proclamation to replace “Armistice” with “Veterans” and since it’s been known as Veterans Day.

Red poppies are given out by uniformed war veterans on Veterans day. There are veterans day parades all over the country with a wreath-laying ceremony at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldiers in Arlington National Cemetery in Washington.

Applebee’s will be celebrating Veterans Day by serving more than 1 million free meals to active-duty personnel from 11 a.m. until midnight on Veterans’ Day.
The menu will include:
7-ounce House Sirloin, Bacon Cheeseburger, Three Cheese Chicken Penne, Chicken Tenders Platter, Oriental Chicken Salad, Fiesta Lime Chicken and Double Crunch Shrimp.

To be eligible for your free meal you must be in uniform or provide proof of military service such as:

- An active-duty or retiree ID card.

- A current leave and earnings statement.

- A DD214 discharge certificate.

- A photo in uniform.

- A veterans organization card, such as an American Legion or Veterans of Foreign Wars card.