Good grief....what does that mean? I have shed my bullet proof heart vest? I have twisted and turned my life into a zwizzle stick and become more human? Or....I'm depressed.
I have come to the conclusion that I'm depressed. I get emails daily....asking the question...Could you be depressed? I used to read them to prove that they must be wrong. I wouldn't succumb to that....no not me that used to find humor in just about everything. It kept me at my computer signing off on one blog or another on just how funny life really was.
Now....I look at my own home page on facebook and weep openly on subjects that a dear to me. What's this all about? I watch a television commercial and tear up. I cry when things are sad, or I'm glad, or when someone says something nice, or not.
What did I do in the past? It just used to roll off my back and went on with my day. Oh sure, I gave it some thought but I didn't become emotional. I fixed it if I could, or went on to the next thing. Finis....end of thought process.
What happened to my smile? It's gone. I often wonder when I see something on the boob tube and the announcer is smiling up a storm and just can't imagine how that is done. Do they give smile lessons? I must look to others like a cranky old person.
Yup, when I used to visit my parents in Sun City.Arizona I would often mention that I was curious why most of the people there looked grumpy. Did they know they appeared this unfriendly? Now I do and haven't a clue as to what it is that is making me this way.
I sure have enough reasons....like the rest of the world, but they manage to put on a happy face and get over it. No one would know that they are suffering from illness, poverty, hunger. That is not to say we should band together and have a smile-in.
The news in Japan has been more than unsettling. These people appear so brave and stoic that I can't imagine myself in their shoes. Or have they given up....accepting the inevitable, dealing what life has tossed their way? Of course we identify with their misery more than the usual natural disaster....why because they are an enlightened society, they seemed to have it all. Technology, education, wealth were the hallmarks of Japan...now they must rebuild to achieve that standard again.
Now I must rebuild....to achieve some semblance of balance. That is the key word...balance. Yes, you cry , when things call for tears....but not at television commercials. I should be able to view my home page without weeping for all the wrongs in this world, but how to help alleviate them in some small measure.
It is a solitary task in front of me. Finding balance is never easy, not in a painting, recipe, or life. I need a little time to reach this goal....perhaps I will smile again in the very near future. .
I"m going to make lemonade....share my experiences and become who or what I was with additions like kindness, and caring.
Take care my friends....you never know what lurks behind that bush.rd