Sunday, August 14, 2011


Clearly a useless past time of mine.  Afterthinking something that was important at the time but I wasn't quite into the 'give and take' of the situation.  Oh, I used to be a snappy comeback queen.  At least I thought so.  If I could make the opponent shut up that was a victory for me.  Just don't start...OK?

I am no longer that comeback fact, I barely listen.  This is what aging has done for me....I just don't give a damn most of the time,  Mostly it has 100% to do with the person who is trying to get a rise out of me.  You are familiar to near boring death of what is about to come out of their mouth.  If you do catch a few phrases you are not disappointed we go again.

Lately, in our impoverished state, the argument of most unjustifiable. and unsubstantiated crap is what the cats and dogs eat!  I went out on a limb earlier and began concocting  recipes that I thought would have the nutritional  elements needed for a healthy diet, plus being cost effective. 

When you do this type of thing the initial layout can be an eye opener, but as time progresses and you continue and streamline your efforts; it is not as time consuming nor expensive as canned anything. So I merrily thought this was a good thing....I am told on a nearly daily basis how foolish I am. 

I cannot, for the life of me, understand how in the name of everything that is sacred that this has become a contentious issue.  He, who has no love for animals in general, he who wouldn't be able to detect anything amiss in a cat or dog, has now elevated his status to "master of the animal kingdom". 

Yes, we have gotten 'suddenly poor',never in my thirties or forties did I foresee what the future might bring in the guise of health issues or financial issues.  Would it have been logical to think back then." Oh I want to save the world of homeless animals so I will take them all in no matter what the future brings?"..Of course not...but that is what WE did and now we must make numerous sacrifices to keep up the menagerie.  I might add including adoption.

But this is the issue that has a monotonous refrain day after day.  I cannot stop it, so I simply block it out and continue what I am doing.  Of  course there may be some truth to this argument....if we didn't have cats and dogs we would be better off financially.  My response is .....get another career.  Now that is just as ridiculous.

Sometimes there is light at the end of the tunnel, and then again it too fades.  So you must be up for anything.  Take it or leave it.  And in most instances you do not have that must do something.  For now our home has been saved...that should be great news.  It is and it isn't....I hate this place, but it is the only place for now.

Bob has taken a great pleasure in telling me daily how really old I am.  Like this is from a spring chicken?  I began taking this to heart...I look in the mirror and see a stranger; one who has aged 25 years at least these past ten unhappy years.  Once it are sunk....unless you have the means to get it pulled back.  But it isn't just the issue about looks changing its attitude....that changes as well.

I'm not thrilled about where my attitude is taking me or not taking me.  I need an attitude change. Digging deep within me I will either come up with a rose or an empty hand.  It is those days where I don't give a damn that frighten me. 

Here is to digging deeper, finding  a real keeper.  Please be careful out there.  Until next time. rd


Lydia said...

I saw your comment at Bee's Blog and felt like coming over, not a common act for me. Your post could in so many ways be my post. We share some great similarities. The word "menagerie" is one of my top vocabulary words. I absolutely know what it is like to find yourself in the position, having collected and been collected by strays, of realizing that you are running an animal shelter. We have a Standard Poodle (since puppy) and an Old English Sheepdog (rescued at age 7, now 10), three inside cats (all came to us from the neighborhood), three "garage cats" (came in various stages as strays and have beds in the garage at night), and three--sometimes four--stray cats who "dine" nightly in our backyard. One, named appropriately "Scar," decided he hated the abuse he was getting up the street and does not leave the backyard after eating. Thus, he is ours and thus, he will soon go to the vet to be altered and have shots, and thus, he will by winter no doubt have a bed in the garage.
My husband has a true love-hate relationship with the gang of garage/outside cats.
We have agreed that when the dogs' lives are over we will not replace them with large dogs, and will only have one dog in the future.
The house is in disrepair and my husband has no interest in addressing the deferred maintenance. He is younger than I but, unlike your husband, does not call me old...instead he calls himself old. Which in turn makes me feel old.
One night recently I was digging around the shelf of my nightstand looking for a particular magazine and underneath the stack of mags I found a book. I pulled it out to re-shelve it in the living room and was surprised that, not only had I not yet read it, I did not remember buying it! So. I figured I should pay attention to it, and I have been reading a few pages each night and I think it may just have something for me. You can read samples inside the book at Amazon and see what you think.
The One Decision.
Sorry for the length of this comment.
Thank you for being there.

Bee's Blog said...

This makes me very sad. It makes me sad because apart from the fact that you sound so down, I recall that you were not the one who wanted to move. I remember you saying how unhappy you had been to make make the move and if I remember rightly, it wasn't a joint decision. It was presented almost as a fait accomplis - something to do with the increase in value of properties in your new area? And now this.

To tell you that you're foolish and old is not kind. you are not old. We are all older but that doesn't make us old. In the one and only photos that you have shared, you look magnificent. I'm glad you've switched off but that will dent your confidence whether you listen or not. You are a smart woman - think back to what you used to do for a living before you took on the animal world. I read Nicci's blog where she wrote about her parents - a formidable pair if ever there was one, a couple 'before its time' so to speak, fearless - think back to that time. I know it's hard. You wake up in the morning and wonder how you arrived here when it all began so differently.

Yes animals drain the finances - especially when you have a haven. I walked behind a man with a trolley load of dog chow the other day in Price Smart and I told my husband that it was a good thing that we didn't have our Rotts anymore as we wouldn't be able to afford to feed them.

Look for the rose my dear friend. It will smell beautiful.

Animals however many one has are a responsibility and in your case, the decision to create a haven was a joint one - therefore - without becoming the King of the animal Kingdom, Bob has to take on some responsibility. How you get him to do that short of stopping what you are doing and letting him get on with it, I don't know.

Jacqui Binford-Bell said...

Last year when money was tighter than this year I debated the sense of my pets. And I too made food for them though I confined it to nutritional dog biscuits.

I decided that the pets were cheaper than a man, or a shrink, or high blood pressure medicine. Nothing like a purring cat to calm you down. Or dogs that need walked to keep your joints loose.

I am also not likely to commit suicide or give up on staying healthy because who would care for my fur kids. They are definitely lower maintenance and higher return than husbands and most of my friends.

And this summer with the drought I have watched all my neighbors deal with the rodents coming in and literally eating them out of house and home. One neighbor had $500 of wiring issues done on their car because of rodents. And my ex and I used to make a fortune repairing chewed wiring of vacation homes.

So I accept the little "gifts" my cats bring in and see them as so much less trouble than a mechanic or an electrician. Please quote that to your husband about the garage cats.

I think not believing others about ourselves is the greatest "face lift" we can give ourselves and it is cheap.

Bee's Blog said...

I know I put a comment up here.