It wasn't too long ago that I read the article mentioned in the link. I have been mulling this subject matter around and around. Rather than mulling I decided to write about it only in hopes of getting it off of my mind.
Easier said than done, my friends, I gave birth to an ego maniac. Once the normal span of egomania should evolve into a reality seeking human the problem should go by the wayside like soiled diapers. This is an infantile symptom a part of growing up. Hopefully you emerge fulfilled and go on to the next step in life.
Egomania is an illness of the mind, but I don't think it is thought of as such. It has been given all sorts of room to roam. What I mean is that it is thought of as minor, a me me type of thing that is expected of a select group of people.
I wonder at times.....did I forget to remind this child of reality. How to behave in the real world? I seriously doubt it. My life is steeped in reality and it has little room for one so immersed in themselves there is no space for anything else. But, here again, if this individual will not listen to an authority figure of any sort.....how do you make an impact....or do you?
I've learned that these individuals will achieve their personal goals at any expense. Their satisfaction is primary. Feeling good about themselves is what it is all about. The insidious goal of making others feel fear or worse yet respect for them is what it is all about. We have amongst us these individuals of no morals. If you happen chance mention consideration for others you are automatically considered weak....and prime for their self serving achievements.
Have no doubts they are among us, they are often thought to thrive in our society. Isn't the me me society their playground? But lest we forget....they can also be a victim of him/or herself they can become bullies of major irritation to everyone around them. Is it insecurity that is the driving force behind this behavior or is it a kind of defense mechanism?
Clearly, I have many more questions than answers. On this personal level I made a decision to remove this from my life. I became so tired of pushing away that my arms nearly fell off. I talked myself hoarse. I sought every make and model of intervention and therapy...of no use.
Make no mistake....this is an illness. There are no pills out there to make this person feel compassion or love of others. In fact, this has so many victims left in the path of their self-proclaimed importance that I often feel the slightest twinge of someone trying to push and pull me in their direction I totally pull back. I no longer wonder what makes them tick....I know within a short amount of time I will be a victim.
I'm often told how very strong I am. I'm independent. I feel an enormous amount of compassion for others and do what I can. But this....."done me in".
May your weekend be splendid. Take care. RD
2 comments:
Narcissistic Personality Disorder individuals are exhausting even to those that are in their "circle" of used and abused friends. For the family they must be an horrendous burden. All maintenance and no reward.
At the far end NPD sufferers are our serial killers. At the "acceptable middle" they are some of our leaders and CEO's.
I had an interesting discussion with a counselor friend of mine right after I had the final fight with a NPD friend and put quit to her company; she was charming but exhausting. My counselor buddy said there is a theory about these individuals which maintains that they do not belong to the pack.
They were never socialized to see their position in the human herd. And this takes more than loving parents. It takes a village. As with wolf pups it takes the entire pack including their own litter.
Our phobia about pedophiles and fear of being accused of molesting a child with just a hug or abusing them makes us keep children at a distance. Some children because of this never connect. Never see themselves as being human and so cannot identify with those they use.
That is the nurture theory. The nature theory maintains they were born with something missing. They are not included in the pack because we all sense something wrong with them. That was certainly true with my step-son-from-hell. He walked into a room and before he turned the "charm" on he radiated an aura that made you want to slink away.
Jeffery Dalmer's mother is reported to have said to him before dumping him with his grandmother, "Try to act normal."
Do not berate yourself for "failing" because some of the greatest thinkers on both the nature and nurture side have also failed. My counselor friend says they are incurable.
I read and reread. My initial reaction was sadness but the more the words sank in, the more I realized I once had a friend eho suffered from the same 'disease'. I know it's hard when a friend has what Jacqui describes as NPD, but it must be even harder to bear and more disturbing not to say exhausting when the person is a family member.
The only way one can keep one's sanity is to distance oneself from the offending party. Because that's what they are - an offending party. I am sure you have asked yourself why over and over again and questioned yourself as to what you could, should and would have done. There is absolutely nothing you can do for a person such as this but pray that eventually they don't self-destruct.
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