I usually have conversations with God or whoever is that greater power on a daily basis. I also talk to my deceased parents as well. It isn't about asking to have the mortgage miraculously paid or for health issues to be shown their walking papers.I can honestly say that when a situation arises and I know my resources are limited in this area I ask for guidance. "Show me a way".
I don't want to let anyone down, especially myself and play the fool. I do as much as I can on my end to meet my expectations and then I chat with that higher power to guide me in the appropriate direction. Why am I telling you about this....because it isn't working this time. I usually have been shown a path to follow, not always to my liking or expedient as I might like but this time I cannot find a way to accept that I must let go of a friend.
He has been a light in my life for many years. He has made me laugh and cry at his story telling. He always had the right thing to say. Now I cannot reciprocate. Least of all I do not want to make this more difficult on him, he seems to care more about my feelings and thoughts than the torment he is experiencing.
Talk about stiff upper lip....this guy has it in spades. He is indeed teaching me something as his time draws shorter. This is what I should take away from this friendship. But I want to give something back. I don't want to appear weak, yet I know I do.
An online friend just happenchance mentioned Kubler Ross today. Oh, yes, I need to revisit that. I read it when it first was published and found it to be remarkably informative.
It is just ridiculous to try to intellectualize these life changes. We have feelings and they must be released. I am not questioning the why as some do....just the ability to put my sadness aside and be strong for my friend. Take care my friends... Life is short. RD